Monday, April 9, 2012

losing

Losing

I’m sorry if it seems I’ve lost faith
You’ve created us so fragile
I most certainly feel cracked
Fearing further agitation will do me in
It is hard to stay faithful
When all I see and touch is barren
There is no sun in my sky
I thought I found love once
But I realized love did not find me
All I’ve known is disappointment
You say I’m special
One of a kind
But nothing in my life thus far
Has proven that to be true
I fear my heart grows cold now
Your creations have laid waste there
Now it only beats out of necessity
The love inside longs to be enjoyed
So far all that has tasted her
Chose not to continue to love her
My heart does break
Now all I hold onto are temporary fixes
Stolen moments of joy
Just to feel an instant of pleasure
To imagine what “real” feels like
Not trusting that I’ll ever possess it permanently
Knowing in the morning, I’ll wake up
And the tears will fall again
As the heart continues to bleed for more
Wishing something would be real
Wishing someone would be strong
I’m finding my own strength is sometimes not enough
I fear my façade will crumble
I will be exposed
Humiliated
And love will continue to evade me
Loneliness is an awful place
The crack is getting bigger
What happens when all the blood is gone?
Will my heart die?
Is my heart dying?
Do you love me even?
I close my eyes
As I struggle once again to breath
Wondering why your world hates me

2006

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